Tips for Managing Difficult People in the Workplace

by Lahra Tillman 

May 4, 2010

  

A recent WEST luncheon* addressed key interpersonal issues that threaten the way we work.  How do we deal with co-workers who don’t meet our expectations, challenge our patience and don’t treat us with the level of respect and consideration we deserve?  Katherine Crowley and Kathi Elster, co-authors of the books Working for You isn’t Working for Me, the Ultimate Guide for Managing your Boss and Working with You is Killing Me provided concrete strategies for dealing with work situations and behaviors that can leave us feeling angry, defeated, tormented and generally out of control.

 

Identify the culprits and behaviors

  • Others taking credit for your work
  • Team members that regularly call in sick leaving you to pick up the slack
  • Nasty attitudes and intimidation
  • Threatened co-workers that put you down in front of other colleagues
  • “Artful Dodgers” that are great in person but stab you in the back
  • Co-workers who withhold information and those that share too much
  • Paranoid and untruthful co-workers

Understand the cost of common coping mechanisms

  • Obsession: Sleepless nights lead to lateness, drained energy, and erosion of performance.
  • Avoidance: You appear uncommitted and uncooperative.
  • Self Doubt: Feelings of low self worth can interfere with your ability to do your job.
  • Sulking: Others may view your conduct as childish and petty.
  • Revenge Fantasies: Toxic thoughts take up mental space and psychic energy.
  • Gloating over failure: You appear to be the lesser person, and team members’ failures can be associated with you.
  • Bad Mouthing: You come across as a gossip and someone incapable of safeguarding confidential information.
  • Confrontation: Frontal attacks leave you open to being misunderstood and attacked back.
  • Retaliation: Striking back can hurt your reputation, burn bridges and even get you fired.
  • Shutting Out:  You can appear emotionally immature and unreasonable, leading to potential termination.
  • Self Medication: Comforting ourselves with food, alcohol, shopping, TV or isolation.

 

Tips for Getting Back on Track and Restoring Balance

   

 1. Self Empowerment

Restore your energy, repair your emotional state and build confidence. 

  

Techniques

  • Take the focus off that situation and put it back on yourself.
  • Plan time to exercise and incorporate healthy escapes into your workday.
  • Unplug to get a break from the intensity.
  • Practice centering yourself using body/mind techniques to support changing the focus to your own health and well being.

 

2. Emotional Repare

Restore your internal and personal life.

  

Techniques

  • Pursue a passion or a pastime, take time to reach out and reconnect to friends, family and also yourself.
  •  Look and become open to inspiration while taking time to do reality checks. 
  • Consider arming yourself with lucky charms or other small reminders that remind you of who you are, what you have accomplished and the value that you bring to the many different areas of your life.
  • Call on your sense of humor that has been masked by the stress.

 

3. Rebuild Your Confidence

Adjust expectations and meet your own unmet needs.

 

Techniques

  • Make a conscious effort to reach out to those who are supportive of you, people who can remind you of your accomplishments and energize you in moments of doubt.
  • Find a mentor, commit to areas where you can make a difference, and find ways to be useful outside of your department by building relationships and allies.
  • Commit to taking regular gratitude inventories.
  • Aim for, and make sure not to discount, the small achievements.
  • Remember, you are redefining who you are and what matters to you.

 

4. Deal with the Challenging Situation

Focus on principles over personalities.

 

Techniques

  • Remember that you can’t change other people but you can change how you react and respond.
  • Recognize that not everyone works at the same speed or has the same ethics as you do.
  • Commit to taking the high road and do not take things personally.
  • Shift your focus to mapping out plans of completion.
  • Ground your thoughts in solutions.

5. Finally...

Offensive behaviors are usually learned. In most cases they progress over time and are often repeated. If you are having these sorts of issues with a colleague, chances are, others are too.  Detecting, detaching, depersonalizing and dealing using the above techniques will increase your own self acceptance in times when the circumstances themselves are unacceptable. 

 

*The WEST luncheon “Building Strong Relationships at Work“ was held on March 10, 2010 in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Click Here for more information.